Friday, March 5, 2010

Mourning work

In therapy, we uncovered the fact that creating art is a major way that I connect with my Grandma's memory.  I continue to struggle with her passing... it makes me question the very foundations of my aetheism-- where did her spirit go?  Where will her legacy reside? 

I am told that this questioning is a normal (and healthy) part of the grieving process, but regardless, it leaves me shaken and stirs up all sorts of uncertainties in me.  Gram's soul must be somewhere, right?  Or am I just weak - allowing mysticism and loneliness to get the best of my rationality? 

Today, I work up early, hungry after a late night and early dinner working at the security office.  I wandered out to my kitchen, started coffee, did my morning weigh-in (1 lb down!), and called my Dad to tell him the good news about my weight loss.  Dad is also on a weight loss journey - he is perpetually fighting aging, high cholesterol, and retirement.  He attacks weight loss, bike racing, and healthy living with the passion and fervor of a professional - like it is his job!  :)  He constantly inspires me to pursue my goals with the same vivacity.

Dad and I chatted about the good weather (spring almost appears to be coming early!), the way our diets are going, and politics.  I ended the conversation with the intention of going into a new morning ritual - a yoga DVD that had been collecting dust on my shelf.  However, I found myself opening up my bead bins, and I ended up popping in "The Truth Behind the DaVinci Code", which I recently got from Netflix, to watch while working. 

I ended up making beautiful, romantic designs - perfect for a bride or maid (or maybe mother of the bride?). 
Now, to work on listing these items!

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